Why are boundaries so *#”@ing HARD sometimes??!!
Have you ever tried to ask for something you needed and then fudged it, backed down or simply avoided the whole conversation?
Does the thought of saying “No, I don’t want to do that” cause minor palpitations?
You are not the only human being reduced to an emotional puddle at the thought of being more boundaried.
I don’t know a single woman who hasn’t fallen apart over boundaries at some point. I’ve done things I’m downright embarassed about now – just because I didn’t know how to say no. I didn’t know what I did want, either, even if I could have spoken up and asked for it.
It wasn’t until I started to get really serious about my coaching practice and my health that boundaries came up for me good and proper.
In spite of doing a lot of work around boundaries and clear communication, I still feel challenged when I have to put my foot down.
In fact, my personal fantasy is still that other people just know what I need. You know, magically, without being asked….?! But of course this is just a fantasy. In real life, everyone else has got stuff going on too.
It doesn’t have to be the big stuff to get massively triggered around boundaries.
I still get triggered if I have to set a limit – but I’m getting pretty good at moving through this more quickly using some of the processes I’m going to share in this webinar.
Whether it’s your scrapping, filthy kids, your narcissistic boss, the side project you used to love but now, not so much….boundary issues are all over the place.
The fact is, if you’re spending any time feeling uncomfortable and not speaking up, you are leaking energy: you’re directing your creative life force away from the things you were put on this earth to do.
More No means More Yes:
Setting clear boundaries is a scarily powerful manifestation tool.
As you let go of the meh, the bleh and the horrifyingly NAH, you make space. For what you DO want.
You clear out that crappy, negative, non-exciting energy from your life so you can have a lot more YAAAASSSSS.
Terrifying? Uh-huh. Massive opportunity for growth that will return the favour tenfold? Hell yes.
Clues that you’re ready for better boundaries:
- Too much of your week goes on stuff you’re not that bothered about, but can’t get out of “because xxx will be upset/disappointed”.
- You’re sick of a certain person’s behaviour, but at a loss what to do about it.
- You wish you had more time to relax or do creative stuff but can’t imagine where the time will come from.
What about the Drama?
The bottom line about boundaries? Everybody’s stuff gets triggered.
That’s the reason why boundary lessons always have the flavour of initiation. Boundaries bring up big, challenging feelings ….and you learn to deal with them in a new way. Net result? New emotional superpowers.
“I’m rubbish at boundaries, though.”
Even if you know you need to get better at boundaries, it doesn’t make it any easier to do it in practice.
In fact, I know a lot of women who feel quite defeated about the whole subject.
It can feel like you have two choices – go along with something you don’t like, or risk being seen as a total bitch and ending up with no friends, no job and a partner who hates you…..
If this is you, don’t give up. The world needs your giftedness and you deserve this every bit as much as the next woman.
I’m not naturally good at boundaries. They were almost non existent in my house growing up, and I was bullied throughout my primary school years. I didn’t even know what I wanted a lot of the time – and it was incredibly hard for me to say it out loud.
Becoming more boundaried in any area of your life means letting go of identities which have kept you safe – the nice girl, the good girl, the girl who doesn’t have difficult feelings or ask for too much.
But it doesn’t mean having a personality transplant. You don’t have to become a bitch. And being more boundaried certainly isn’t unfeminine.
In fact, boundaries are essential for the feminine – every river needs deep banks to hold it – and I’ll be talking more about this principle in my upcoming webinar on boundaries. (Come. It’s going to be great.)
Saying no is a muscle
The more you use it, the more deft you become – mainly because you get quicker at processing the tricksy feelings that come up.
Over time you get better at noticing that feeling – which is your body telling you “Say No!”. You also get bolder, quicker and cleaner at delivering your message (and there are some really neat little tricks for doing that.)
If you’re ready to get better at boundaries – and to stop feeling guilty, awkward or unable to speak every time you need to ask for something or say no – then join me for this super cool webinar. If you’re ready to change your game in favour of creativity, healing or abundance, then you’re going to want to get on this webinar.
Ready to make your life less stressful? Join me for the webinar right now.
In the class we’ll cover:
- How to say No without hurting others
- How to diffuse the drama around your boundaries (yours and theirs)
- Judging when to set a limit
- Why women struggle with No more than men
we’ll also go over:
- The Five Elements of a Healthy No
- How to say No and not back down
- How good boundaries help you create your life
- Why saying no is NOT unfeminine